OKAY SO HERE IS PART ONE. ITS A LITTLE MESSY AND SLOW BUT I PROMISE IT WILL GET BETTER. THANKS.• I sighed as i zipped up my suitcase and sat on the bed in my dorm room.
I was going back to New York. Which meant I was going to see him.
I don’t think i was ready for that yet.
I know it had been close to a year since I had seen him last, but truth be told, I don’t think i would have been ready even if it had been 5 years. How could I be? I mean, I loved him. But he never saw me that way. To him i was just the best friend. To me, he was everything. My support, best friend, inspiration, and the love of my life. He saw me with the same eyes of admiration as I did for him, the only fault, was the love. He never suspected my feeling for him, but who could blame him? I never showed it. He never knew how my heart would sink everytime he would embrace me a little harder than everyone else when we were in public, and then proceed to introduce me as his “best friend.” He never knew about the butterflies that would flutter about in my stomach, desperately hoping to escape and fill his heart with feelings from my own. He never saw any of it. Which is why I could never tell him. Everyone else knew. All of our friends from LaGuardia High. Since we were 14, they could all see it. How my eyes would light up as I stared into his ocean eyes. How I would nervously sweep away the hair that had fallen onto my face following the shy tilt of my head in an attempt to avoid his charming smile. His smile always got me. All of our friends encouraged me to tell him. I mean, that’s not so crazy, right? Why couldn’t I just tell the one person I trusted more than myself, how I truly felt? There were countless times when I wanted to run into his arms, hug him close, and tell him “don’t choose the other girls, pick me this time. Love me and I’ll love you the way you deserve to be loved, because I was here for you when nobody else was. I know you best, so pick me” But I never did. Why? Well maybe it was because I’m a coward. Or maybe it was because i didn't want to lose him. I chuckled to myself as I stood up and grabbed my suitcase. I sighed as I realized it was time to go. #fanfiction #fanfic #ladybird #cmbyn #callmebyyourname #timotheechalamet