I tend to minimize the effect my family had on my relationship with food. I was never explicitly told that I wasn't allowed to eat something. There was no locks on the fridge or forced dieting. But there was so much guilt tripping and encouragement of self-inflicted restriction.
It was subtle. Covert. A little nudge here. A "harmless" joke there. Ideal material for internalizing. Not blunt enough to call out bullshit. Perfectly insidious.
And like a perfect product of narcissistic parenting, I became fluent in the language of "get the hint", "read between the lines". Everything was loaded with hidden meaning. It was only when I would refuse to "get the message" or when I would confront that hidden message, that's when it would come up to the surface, out in the open. All that anger and disapproval, that was originally disguised as an innocent joke.
My role was to be aware that I'm not accepted as I am, but never to talk about it. Look and act burdened with the weight of disapproval, but dare not name #edwarrior #antidiet #bodypositive #healthateverysize #intuitiveexercise #eatingdisorder #edrecovery #narcissisticabuse #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodypositivity #haes #emotionalabuse #intuitiveeating