My open letter to Bipolar Disorder
Dear Bipolar Disorder
We've been living together almost 30 years now. You've managed throughout those years to get in my head and set up shop. It took me a while to figure out that you were there, because you hide. You don't always speak up, but when you do its like a loudspeaker that I can't turn off. We're so interwoven that sometimes I don't know where you start and I begin.
As my brain developed you set up traps that I would find randomly throughout my life. You gave them names like anxiety, depression, paranoia, and mania. Your sneaky trick though was to make me feel like it was all my fault, like I was going crazy. You just sat there and watched as people called me crazy and told me I just needed to get over whatever it is I was feeling at the time. Maybe that just gave you more power, because I would always feel so defeated. You were inside my mind just laughing, while I was hurting
When my mom died, you decided to push me over the edge, and you pushed too hard because you see, I tried to end my life. You had all the power, and I had no fight left in me. I couldn't see another way out, I was searching for relief but couldn't find any. Again you sat by, and unapologetically mocked me by putting the darkest of thoughts in my head.
For some years after that, you've shown up in so many different ways, you're like a chameleon so illusive that you couldn't be caught. You masqueraded as stomach issues and decided to call yourself IBS for a little while, then you called yourself stress, anxiety, and depression. Never once did you introduce yourself in your true form.
You had control of me for so long. I don't remember the last time I had 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I don't remember the last time I haven't done battle with you on a daily basis, and I don't remember the last time that I've not had contradictory thoughts in my head. You basically took over, my life wasn't mine anymore. But I have a surprise for you...(continued on my wordpress site. Link in the #weareallalittlecrazy #mybipolarjourney #endthestigma #bipolardisoder #storiesnotstigma #selfawarenesss #mentalhealthawarenss #samehere🤙