💔My heart was broken.
He was gone.
There was nothing I could do to change it.
The sadness was everywhere.
I couldn’t believe it.
I didn’t want to believe it.
No one did.
It was undoubtedly the most heart wrenching situation I had ever been through.
Why had he taken his own life? What caused it? Why had he chosen that as the solution?
The questions were hard to answer. How would I ever know?
I knew he was in pain. I didn’t know the depths of it. I knew he was trying to get through it. I didn’t know when he stopped.
I lost him.
We all did.
It was devastating. I wasn’t sure what life was going to be like. I wanted answers. I wanted to feel whole again, but I wasn’t sure I even knew what that was. I didn’t know how I was I ever going to move beyond this.
I was left to pick up the pieces, but how would I ever put the puzzle back together again?
And yet, even in this, a path unfolds when you are open to it. I found a way.
🚶🏻♀️ Through the support of friends, family and a few mentors, coaches and teachers, I began to navigate through the questions, the confusion, the emotions and the uncertainty. The answers came as I simply (although not always easily) let myself be in the experience of the emotions without expectation of the outcome or without attempting to push the feelings away. When I realized that the variety and frequency of emotions was all very “normal” and that I didn’t have to expect “perfection” of myself in navigating this process, I found relief. I allowed myself to explore and question. I looked for options, possibilities, philosophies, theories and practices to help me along the way.
👩🏫 I didn’t go through it alone. I asked for help.
Little by little, step by step, I began the renovation of my life.
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